August 18, 2010


Life is changing.
I don't know if I am ready.
I am used to making my schedule and keeping to it as much as I can.
I have a lot of flexibility.
This fall that all changes.
Zandria starts pre school.
I feel as if I am getting in over my head when it comes to the business that I am getting into.
It is not my schedule, it is hers and her teachers.
Yes I am a control freak.
I like to be in control.
I have been struggling with this for a while now. I want control. I want to direct my life. I want my say to be the last say.
It can't.
I am not in control.
God needs to be in control.
God is in control.
I need to let Him be in control. I need to let Him do this without me worrying and stressing.
I am a worrier.
I can make myself physically sick when I get a worry in my head and can't let it go.
I worry that I might miss a day of Zandria's pre school.
I worry that I might be late in dropping her off or picking her up.
I worry that we have put her in over her head.
I worry about any thing that can and can not be worried over.
I worry about everything that should and shouldn't be worried over.
God is in control.
I feel like I have to repeat this over and over.
It just feels like it goes in one ear and out the other and that I never really believe it.
This frustrates me.
Why can't I believe this?
Why can't I just give it all to God??