December 10, 2012

Last clinic of the year

So Ronan had his last clinic of the year before he turns a year
I was very nervous as we have had colds in our house and his O2 absorption was a bit lower than usual last time. 
Well here it is:
weight: 22 lbs 12 oz
height: 29.1 in
that puts him at the 87-95 percentile
O2: 99 (woo hoo)
he had a throat swab done but they haven't called to tell me anything and it has been over a week since we saw that is good. 
He also got his first of 5 RSV shots. 
he got one in each leg at the same time. 
they didn't expect him to be as strong so had a bit more bleeding them usual cause he kicked and moved.  He gets another dose on the 21st. 
he got stuffed up and snotty a couple of days after but is doing ok can tell when he hasn't got enough sleep. 
I will do a full update on him around his birthday. 

November 24, 2012


Alright.....I am giving warning right now.  Seeing as it is the consumer buy stuff time of year this is a post about stuff and money.  Stop reading if you don't want to hear my opinion. 
Well it is Christmas soon.  the title of my blog would lean everyone towards me talking about what is going on in my life....nope talking about stuff we buy and stuff we have and stuff as a country that we don't really need. 
This past week was my birthday.  I hate my birthday. I do not like the attention or anything like that.
I don't like money spent on me.
I have a lot of stuff. I am spoiled already with out it being my birthday.
but my husband likes birthday, it is in his family and his DNA really
For my birthday I wanted one thing....a pair of jeans that fit.
I have not had such in like 2.5-3 years.  I have started to lose weight so I thought it was time to go out in public in something other than yoga pants.
I hate jean shopping. 
I would rather go bra shopping and bathing suit shopping in the same day and then have to clean my whole house instead of pant shopping. 
but it had to be done.
I found a pair of jeans that cost a A LOT....but they fit and that is hard for a bubble butt like I have.  I wish I could have fit in the cheaper ones....I tried :(
As we were in the store I asked my husband if he saw anything he wanted.  He used to shop at this store when he was in high school and living at home. 
He said no....he was kind of disgusted at the price of things just for the name brand.
He decided that he would rather just get a good brand that fit him from Costco. His thinking is what got me to think about this post. 
There are a lot of people out there that love designer clothes...same clothes as other places, same quality , but it has that name on it. 
I have done the test with lulu lemon.....they suck.  My Costco yoga pants didn't pill as quickly and I found them more comfortable....but that may be the style that I had. I will never buy another pair of lulu lemon yoga pants for $100 when I can buy better washablity ones from Costco for $18. 
When I found the jeans I bought I was flabbergasted by the price....but Jer said I should treat it like the experiment I did with the lulu here I am testing out silvers. 
We used to be at the point where there was no bloody way that that was an option.
we were saving for a house a reliable vehicle and kids.
We have worked hard...Jer working his job and working working when I could but my contribution was mostly budgeting and being very smart with money and name brand clothes were not even an consideration. 
Financially our world is sucking it up right now. 
a lot of my generation and/or a bit younger assume that they need to start off at the same level that their parents are at when they move out. 
It took our parents hard work to get where they are....why would it be any different for us....why don't we have to work hard and put in our dues. 
and then there are the other type that do work hard, but squander their down payment for a house or good car, or saving for kids on name brand clothes and top of the like electronics and the most up to date in decor for their rental.....
It is the time of year for consumerism....I do take part because I am a gift is a love language of mine.  but I also don't ever spend more than I have in the bank...I don't take money out of saving for kids only get one thing from us....along with a new Sunday outfit for Christmas. 
my kids have a lot of clothes....most second hand and no name brand other than gifts
my kids don't know the difference and when they do...I will teach them that there are some clothing that are worth it and some that cost that much just for the name and that is not important.
My husband wears Tommy Hilfiger and Calvin Klein jeans from Costco that cost no more than $28.  If I fit into some of those I would buy them....
Money runs the world.....God rules my world
God loves me....and provides what i need when I need it...a house to live in, food, a van, the clothes we wear. 
I have turned into a hermit for a couple of reasons...and this is one...
there are too many people that complain about not having a reliable vehicle or a house that they own...but spending ridiculous amount on their kids clothes and on their clothes in some cases.
I am not perfect with money and in a lot of other ways...but i don't think I am careless with it 
Sorry if this offends you....but it was on my chest and I had to get it off.
and I will get back to you about whether I see silvers as worth the money. 

October 23, 2012

New Look-----update

my new look
what do you think??
I am in a dark mood lately
don't think it is the weather....not sure what it is, just like the black.

I am feeling very discouraged
Ronan is doing ok, but seems to not be normal
I know I know...he will never be normal, but they said we should try to treat him and everything thing about it as normal as possible
it is hard when you have a constant fear of colds and sickness during cold and sickness season
I am also almost at the end of my rope for Jeremy working out of town
we were not as prepared for this stint as others
from what we understood is that most of this bid was going to be in town
Jeremy has been working and staying out of town now since August
pretty sure he will be out of town till Christmas or a little after
if Ronan needs to be on Tobi again I am not sure I will survive

Now to his update. 
Ronan had a clinic appointment on Friday
last month-21 lbs 2oz
70.2 cm
This clinic
21 lbs 12 oz
71.6 cm

That last number is the part that worries me
the less weight gain is alright considering he had a stomach puking thing a week and a half before
the height is dependant on the day and whether Ronan decides to stretch out or not so don't super take that into account
that last number they like to have at minimum 92, but Ronan has never been lower than 98
what has changed?  what can i do to help this? 
I did ask this and they just said it happens
there must be something that i can do

I have recently done some searching for cf related blogs
I would love to find some other people that are doing this too
but I don't feel comfortable doing this in person....I have recently taken up the hermit lifestyle, not because of sickness....just sick of people I think....I don't know really
yeah so I have search it...and come up with a lot of interesting and informative cf blogs
but they are all from the states....they do things different have different drugs at times and the such
so if you know a Canadian blogger that has cf or a child with cf I would love info
my real go is to be in correspondence with someone via the Internet
i did meet another mom in the hospital but our kids aren't allowed to play with each other  and i still am a hermit and just love to text, email and tweet.

well i have to try to find out where i can go to get our whole family the flu shot and Elias his 4 year you want to hold him twice...i don't
harder than you think considering there are flu shot clinics all around but we need the other immunization and also need Jeremy there to help hold him down.  he is strong

Well since i am a hermit i am hoping to write on here more regularly. 
thanks for reading and feedback on the new look would be great. 

September 6, 2012

Life, It is a bit crazy.

****warning a little whining from this point on so if you don't want to hear it do not continue****

life has started to pick up a bit with school starting
in 2 days we started everything
last week thursday we started another round of tobi (the inhalant antibiotic that he was on for the month of june) we also started an oral antibiotic to get rid of this bacteria
and since this is the second time with the bacteria we are trying to make it stay away be doing it for a bit longer
so twice a day i take 20 minutes to do chest percussion and another 20 or so minutes to nebulize
and he has a bit more of a cough this time around....seems like more flem so i am trying to remember and make time to do an extra percussion in the middle of the day
when we all have to be out of the house by the time i drop zandria off at school it is a busy morning
yesterday was the first of said mornings
zandria in school(gr 1) elias in preschool and ronan and i heading to costco
we did it
all of us dressed clean and ready to go
in the evening zandria had her first music class....she loved it...can't wait to play the piano more
this morning was different
i had to show so i got up half an hour earlier than the day before
the kids woke up about the same time
but everything was a little off
at 8:20 when we are usually in the van and close to driving away i was just done nebulizing ronan
so that means that he is not fed yet and not changed yet
the other kids are and so i get a half bottle ready for him and i bring his close along and his cereal
did i mention that i had my women's bible study this morning
yep as other ladies were entering i was sitting at a table and feeding my baby
before signing him into the nursery i changed his poopy diaper and close and gave him his oral antibiotic
oh and did i mention that zandria was about a minute from being late....we- no I hate being late
i hadn't met her teacher yet and still haven't...a little annoyed
that brings us to tonight
zandria gets to start tidal wave
she is going to be one tired girl
so we started grade 1, preschool, music class, bsf, and tidal wave all in 2 days
oh and forgot to mention that jeremy is working out of town so i am single parenting it from monday to thursday
all you single parents out there deserve a medal and a holiday or even just a good nap
you are my hero

oh and i just wanted to mention the only reason i think that i have had even enough energy and sanity to get through this week is deep water aquacise(sp??)
my friend and i started doing it like 7 years ago when we didn't have kids and lived close to each other
now she has 2 kids and i have 3 and she started a week or so before me be asked if i wanted to join......yes please
it hurt but a good hurt....i missed it and missed the exercise
it felt good and helped me in a lot of ways....we are hoping to keep it up and go at least once if not twice a excited....want to join us?? 

August 23, 2012

My little......ah big miracle

Well Ronan had another check up today
I always get nervous before....pray like crazy and get defensive.
I have been thinking a lot lately that God has preformed a miracle. 
I deep down believe that God can heal Ronan
I have been thinking that this is that he was not have to have any special treatment anymore and his DNA will have changed
I have been frustrated with how to attempt to show the medical field this
Take him off enzymes
stop percussion
no more salt and vitamins
It has been a struggle in my mind and my heart....I earnestly believe that God has healed him
Then it hit me....or should I say God hit me
Ronan is my miracle
He weighs 20 pounds 3 oz.
Just under 28 inches long
He will never have a DNA change
he will always have salt and vitamins
he will always need percussion and enzymes
But God has given us the best possible result to all forms of therapy
Our miracle is that Ronan will always get the best if not better results to whatever form of therapy or medication he is to take
He is not statistically supposed to be in the 85 percentile
But he is
He lungs sound clean and he is not coughing
God has granted a miracle in a different way then I expected and could see that until today
I feel guilty for getting frustrated with God but I am confident he has forgiven me

There are a lot A LOT of people praying for Ronan and I thank you

God is Good

August 15, 2012


3 fears to me means the 3 things that make me most anxious

Play grounds. 
I hate them and very rarely do I go to one with the kids without Jeremy
For any of you that know my children know that my kids are very very VERY clumsy
They are also very daring and have no fear.
With the older two I can pretty much just not watch and then I am all good.  Let them play but not really pay attention or even look at what they are doing a whole lot.....bad parenting maybe, but the alternative is helicopter parenting.....I don't know which is worse so I will stick to not looking. 

Driving beside a semi truck.
In 1999 coming home for Christmas break I was getting a ride from my friend and we hit black glare ice and slide onto the highway.....just happens to be that there was a semi driving down the highway.
The front of the semi drove over the front of the Chrysler Daytona and then spun us out and then the last tires of the trailer of the semi drove over the back of the car. 
All that was left was where we were was a miracle from God. 
But since then driving beside them is a fear....I can see the wheels.

I have a strong fear of my kids not loving God. 
God provides all that I need and all that they need.
I fear that they will choose to turn their back on God. 
I depend on God to help me teach them and guide them in the best possible way I can but it is still a very real fear of mine. 

On a different not Ronan has an appointment on the 23rd so I will update on him then. 

July 28, 2012

A list..... 20 random facts about yourself

I stole this list from a friend(thanks E)
Thought it would be fun....need some new ideas so here is the list if you would like to join.

1. 20 random facts about yourself
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

So 20 random facts.....
1-I am one of those women that has realized that I look more feminine with short hair than long.
2-I never wanted girls when I had kids....I have one.
3-Would rather go bra shopping and swim suit shopping in the same day rather than pant is torture
4-I like to paint....this includes my house, and artistically
5-Am pretty sure that my 5 year old daughter could understand how a computer works better than me  :s
6-I am starting to go on a mission to make people understand how important it is to be an organ son may need it some day
7-Like cooking new thing...but don't like baking
8-I like to pack to move....unfortunatly my husband and I seem to have boughten our forever home. 
9-I suck at house keeping
10- I suck at time management
11-I am a Ford girl....that is pretty much all I want to drive...blame my dad and the fact that Ford makes a good vehicle
12-Desperatly want to see Hope Springs
13-Spent 3/4 of my time in highschool playing basket ball and haven't played it since....
14-I want to travel and my husband does, but not as much as I do.
15-I have lived in Saskatchewan my whole life and cheer for the Edmonton Eskimos and the Montreal Canadians(when I watch hockey)
16- I am very sentimental and loyal....that is why I cheer for the teams above.  I was at the opening ceremonies of the molson centre and the first CFL game I went to was in Edmonton for a playoff game with my cousin
17-I grew up living on the same yard until I got married, same house till I was 16.  Hence why I like to move.
18- The only traveling I did as a kid was to visit family.  Hence why I want to travel.
19- I always thought I would be a missionary....I married a missionary kid.
20-I will not be a missionary as long as Ronan lives with us. 
Please let me know if you have joined...I think it will be fun. 

July 26, 2012

Camping.....Why did we buy a camper???

Last year at about this time we bought a tent trailer.
I grew up camping in a tent was fun and worked well for all involved.
My husband never camped as a he wanted to give it a try because he likes to camp and be out doors.  So we looked for one just to see if we could afford one. 
We found one from a family in church.  It is in good shape and has a port-a-potty....woo hoo. 
I was and still excited that I don't have to pack kitchen supplies and dishes when we go out.  It is all kept in the camper...tenting made me crazy because of all the packing and then storing of that stuff. 
We got off the ground.  I liked that a lot.  Plus out of the rain when it rains. 

Which brings me to last year. 
We tried twice to go in the month of august...always rain. 
The first time...we drove a while finally set it up in the rain and took it down the next day in the rain.....FUN
The second time was again rain so we didn't even bother going out. 
The third time it was nice most of it...but rained at night almost all the time and was cold considering it was almost the end of august.  It was a good time tho...better than the other two. 

This year. 
We planned early and booked a site early. 
We introduced our friends from the previous year to a new lake.  We were kind of nervous, as the weather here is very unpredictable. 
Well we got there set and all was good. 
bed time came and took a while to get to sleep.
Then the thunder came and the lightning...and a bit of rain.  My kids usually never wake up from storms, but not that night.  Jer laid there with them for a while.  Then it calmed and all was good. 
The next day our friends go showed was fun a day. 
We put the kids all to bed and went for some adult time and a drink by the fire. 
After a while I jokingly stated that we should go check on the kids in case on is puking or something. 
When we got one was puking so we got ready for bed....half hour later Ronan started vomiting. 
I said right them and there that I wanted to go home...I was cold and didn't want to clean this up.
Jeremy reasoned with me that if we were in the van he would still be vomiting. 
So I said fine. and tried to figure out how to get warm. 
The next morning I was hand washing blankets and sleeper....while Jer was trying to convince me to stay another night. 
I said yes of course we would go to the beach....I promised the kids. 
We were there all was great....loved it. 
But we were still going to go home before bed cause it was supposed to rain all the next day. 
Again Jeremy convinced me to stay.....
it rained all night...lightly....stopped raining for us to get packed up....started raining hard 5 minutes after we left....perfect. 

Why do we camp.....not sure.....not looking promising. 
on a side note....we are pretty sure that Ronan has vomitting episodes when he is about to pop a tooth out.....weird him still tho. 

July 17, 2012

Well Said

A friend of mine from bible school has a private blog.  A while ago she did a post on parenting and the different forms.  I loved the way she said things and how nice it would have been to read something like that with my first child .  So I requested permission to repost most of it.  Thanks Julia. 

I was pretty clueless about the intensely strong opinions people have about different parenting styles. Holy cow. Momma Bear rears up and fiercely defends everything she holds dear....

Babywise moms roll their eyes at AP moms for allowing their babies to become so attached that Babe can't fall asleep on his own without be nursed to sleep, even after he passes into toddlerhood. AP moms attack Babywise moms for forcing their babies into unnatural rigid schedules. Everyone is horrified at parents who "Ferberized" their baby into getting them to sleep through the night by letting them cry it out for hours on end.

Sound familiar, Momma?

Okay, maybe I'm simplifying, assuming, and exaggerating a bit here.... or am I? I'm sure there are more parenting styles out there that I don't know about and quite frankly, I don't want to know. I'm gonna tell you what we did with our first baby, why we did it, and yes, WHAT THE BEST PARENTING STYLE IS. I'll tell you, because I too have a very strong opinion about it. This is coming from my [limited] experience, what I've seen in my friend's lives and what I read online.

In nursing school, I had learned about "attachment theory" in a child development course. Sure, sounded good to me (I hated studying theories!! I'm a math/science girl.). So I figured Attachment Parenting (AP) must be related..... nurture a child, you will become attached and we all live happily ever after. When I was preggers with Thalo, I had read and heard a bit more about AP and really liked the principles that I read about. Breastfeeding? Yes please. Baby-wearing? Sure, sounds great. Responding to baby's cries? Of course! Babies are little people and crying is one of their only ways to communicate.

When Thalo was a newborn, I started reading Babywise during his 45-minute long night feeds. Sounded good to me! Baby sleeps. Baby wakes up and cries because he's hungry. Baby eats. Baby plays. Baby fusses, and this time you know he's not hungry.... so he must be tired. Baby sleeps again. Actually, Thalo was doing much of this routine on his own already, so..... that's what we went with. Also, I LOVED that fact that my baby could fall asleep on his own without being nursed to sleep and slept "through the night" (aka: a 6-hour stretch) by 9 weeks old. I didn't "force" him into anything, and he thrived on the flexible routine that was emphasized in the book.

Would I call myself an Babywise mom? Nope. Why not? Mainly, because I hate labels. I cannot live up to the expectations of any of these labels. And what happens when your child enters a new stage of his little life and what you were doing doesn't work anymore? To try, unsuccessfully, to continue on in a certain way, because that's what your particular parenting style says to do can make you feel like an utter failure as a mother.

So.... reading Dr. Sears' list of the 7 Baby B's (of Attachment Parenting).... I'm all for it. Especially because he's all about balance. But some moms don't get this. For example, with Thalo, we didn't co-sleep. But the opening sentence in his description of co-sleeping says, Wherever all family members get the best night's sleep is the right arrangement for your individual family. Thank you. I don't need to feel like an evil Mommy because my child sleeps on the other side of the wall. I spend a fair amount of time online, mostly getting inspiration from crafty mommy blogs (see my lefthand sidebar). But also to read up on parenting and the like. A lot of the topics I was searching for (ie. "how to treat a yeast rash when using cloth diapers") would, for example, bring me to a blog of a very crunchy AP mom where I would get distracted reading about "family cloth" (replacing toilet paper with cloth wipes for entire family. No, not for me thanks, but all the power to you). Anyways, I have been BAFFLED by the Attachment Parenting community. I thought Attachment Parenting sounded great..... except for the extremely high expectations that they put on themselves and each other! Count me out! This is not how Dr. Sears describes Attachment Parenting. Seriously, crazy moms, look it up here: What AP is Not.

One more thing. When Thalo was a few months old, he was waking up at 4:30 am for one feed, but suddenly, it started getting earlier and earlier. What the? No way! I thought. I was getting used to sleeping at night. A friend recommended to me to try to just re-wrap him (he LOVED being swaddled) and pop in a soother to see if he was waking because he was hungry or just out of habit. Well, it worked. He'd wake up a half hour later, hungry and then I'd feed him. Each night he would wake and eat later and later. After 10 nights he was sleeping on his own until 6 am. I know, some of you are probably horrified that I would do such a thing to my hungry little child. And some of you are taking notes for ideas on what to do next time around. My view is this: If, since the day I was born, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was hungry and someone brought me my favourite food - say, some chocolate pie and a glass of milk - I might just eat it. If I woke up in the night, but wasn't hungry (but I still woke up because we all wake up sometimes), but right away someone was there with a piece of chocolate pie and a glass of milk, you bet I would eat it. Well, I would if I didn't know any differently, if that's all I've ever known. There comes a point where babies physiologically do not NEED food in the middle of the night (I'm not giving numbers or ages here, because I don't remember where exactly I learned this - I think in university - and can't give you a real citation. I also hate that about mommy blogs where they throw around "facts" without citing sources, but you still start to feel like a bad parent because they may just be right and you are a failure), but the baby still may/will wake up and need comfort.... so give them comfort! .... which brings us to the issue breastfeeding for comfort/bonding, which I think is an AWESOME aspect of breastfeeding, but this Momma also needs her sleep to be a Happy and Patient Momma. Also important.

Anyways, this friend also lent me a book called The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg, which I loved. It followed the eat-play-sleep routine that we already liked. But it focused more on figuring out your baby's personality (ie. "Angel Baby", "Textbook Baby", "Touchy Baby", etc.) and applying parenting techniques to your individual baby. I recommend this book.
How do I feel about letting babies cry-it-out? Not my favourite thing. Firstly, I think it's important to make an effort to understand your baby's needs and his cues. I think it's important to try to bond with your newborn, not try to show them who is in control. HOWEVER. If you have the kind of baby who cries and cries for hours on end and you have tried everything you can possibly think of (a good friend of mine had a baby like this, and it wasn't her first baby either so she already had a good idea of how to be a parent - I don't know how she survived that first year), then hey, who am I to judge? You do what you need to do, Momma. And if it works for you - great. Do it. DO IT!

Which bring me to the BEST PARENTING STYLE, which is.... whatever works for YOU, for your HUSBAND, and for EACH OF YOUR BABIES at THAT PARTICULAR TIME. Oh, I know this sounds like the easy way out to say this. But each kid is different and you'll need a different approach with each one. Don't let other moms make you feel bad about what you are doing, and what is or isn't working for you. Don't raise your expectations for yourself, just because some perfect mother blogged about her perfect babies and told you how you should be just like her. Okay. There. I finally said it. Do what works for you, do what makes your little babies happy. THAT, my mommy friends, is the right way to parent.


Well Said

June 23, 2012


so i am so sorry for not updating sooner. 
things are crazy
my life feels like like trying to coral seven to ten cats into a small room without a door. 
i feel like i can't keep up with laundry, dishes, cleaning, and gardening. 
or there is always bottle cleaning and sanitizing, baby food making, baby feeding and nebutlizing. 
there is also the other two kids that want my attention let alone my husband. 
i feel pulled and stuck in chaos. 
beginning to think it would have been less work to have twins then a child with cf. 
but i love ronan. 

so since i posted last we started and are still doing the nebulizer
two weeks into it and the day before he went for a check up we noticed that he was breathing fast and shallow.  we counted he was taking about 80 breathes a minute.  not good.
so at his appointment we got a prescription for an inhaler.  great another thing to add.  another change in routine.  booooo
he has gotten used to it.  he likes little einstiens. 
at that same appointment we had a weight check.  he weighed 17lbs 5oz.   wow he gain basically 2 pounds in a month.  seems a little much at his age....but whatever.  they were happy.  i asked the dietitian how much formula he is supposed to be drinking.  she sad about 6-7 oz 6 times in 24 hrs.  uhhh ok.  not.  he drinks between 5-6 oz 5 times a day.  i told her this and she just said...oh ok, well keep doing what you are doing he is growing great.  haha.  love it.  but in the past week since i was there, he has upped it to 5.5 and 6.5 oz 5 times a day.  he is a chunker.
he has started food.  he loves it. 
he has started other things too. 
my zandria was sitting/crawling at just over 6 months.  early.   well ronan started sitting at 5 and a half months....crazy soon...and he his good at it too...he can reach for a toy slightly to the side and not fall.  yikes...hope he waits to to move too much....

my other kids....

zandria is 3 days away from finishing kindergarten.  she is soo excited about have a break...give it a week and she will be bored.  she is also excited about grade 1. 
i am not looking forward to the whole summer of fighting and wanting to watch tv and saying that she is bored.  but it will be nice not to have to make lunch for her, or drop her off or not get up if we are all sleeping. 
she is moving downstairs as soon at school is over.  she is excited she has a new room with new paint, and furniture....  so happy with how it turned out decor wise....we will see how she fares sleeping downstairs.
she loves to sing....we are contemplating putting her in music class just not sure where.....a little nervous of the cost of it all too. 

elias....well not much to say about him....he loves being outside...even more now that he has a tractor.....thanks to spencer.  he has such personality.  he is no longer as shy...but loud and talks nonstop.  seriously....SERIOUSLY...talks all the time he is awake.  we love him tho. 
he is excited too....he gets a different room to.  elias gets zandrias room and ronan gets elias room.  and we get ronan out of our room.....wooohooo.    for the first couple of days tho he gets to sleep downstairs with zandria in her trundle bed....they are really excited too...because it will be fun...

jeremy is working in wakaw and in the city for a bit...but by the end of july he will be working out of town.  I don't really like it as much cause i have gotten used to it....but an up is that we get fridays with when he works out of town he works 4 plan on camping a bit.. so far he doesn't mind the work he is doing....i am happy for that because if he doesn't like his job than life sucks for him cause that is where he spends most of his time. 

well that pretty much covers our lives right now.  we have a week and a half of the antibiotics and puffer....she we will see what comes of all that....i will try to do a post of my kids new rooms as soon as they are close to done.  until then  good night. 

June 1, 2012


I never realized how much I have come accustomed to a routine and change.  My kids fault.
In the last month we have gotten into a routine and very comfortable.  Confident that we can handle this CF thing....And then things change.  GGRRRR

Once a month or so they do a throat swab on Ronan and send it away....basically checking to see what bacteria are growing in his throat.  What is in the throat travels to the lungs or vis versa. 
Well 2 weeks ago he had a throat swab.  On monday they called me to tell me he has small amounts of bacteria in his throat that starts with an S.....(they all have long funny names I can't remember).  It is a bacteria that does not really make him sick, but it likes to stick to the sticky mucus he has that he can't get rid of easily.  It causes long term damage if it sticks around too long.  Ok so what do we do now???  another antibiotic....NO....well yes, but different. 
We got introduced to a compressor and nebulizer.  He is on an inhalant antibiotic that is administered via nebulizer. 
Wow is it challenging. 
Ronan has the ability to be more active and wiggly than Zandria. 
Our world is all about timing right now. 
He needs to sit with the mask on for 15 minutes twice a day.
He hates the mask.
I hate the mask.
He doesn't have an infant mask it didn't fit.....he is too big...supposed to fit up till they are about a year old....and you want him bigger....bhhhahahahahaaa.
But the bigger has a bit of a gap on him....oh well. 
The meds are pricey but thankfully the Sask Health covers it all. 
Expensive enough that I feel bad dumping out the left over meds after his 15 min is done. 
Oh well....I have to fight with him for 15 min....not going to push it more than I have too. 

Can we have this all stay the same for a while now.....PLEASE????

May 19, 2012

acceptable or not

There has been an article posted on facebook and there have been a couple of other people do some blog posts on the subject of bikini wearing....well I have felt the need to do my own.  This article by Carlaane is very informative....I like the point of it, but think it should be aimed at all women not just christians. 

I grew up wear bikinis or a two piece bathing suit because I have a long body and a small chest.  One piece bathing suit didn't fit once I hit puberty(thats when they started to make bathing suits expecting you to have a chest, which I still didn't).  This was also a while ago before the tankini, so no matter what most of my mid-drift was always showing.  I was young and looked a lot different than I do now.  I was a tooth pick.  Skinny and athletic.  I had the type of body that should be in a bikini, but never felt fully comfortable in it, but what choice did I have. 
When I got married or shortly before the tankini came into exisitence.  LOVE THEM.  But I have always had friends and known people that have worn bikinis, and some friends that have even lost wiegh just so that they could look good wearing one.  I always had the attitude that if you felt good wearing it who am I to say that you shouldn't. 
In the last 5 years my opinion has changed drastically.
First is my girl .  I want her to respect her body and to keep it for her future husband.  I see infants, toddlers and young childern wearing bikinis and tops that show more than they have or should show.  It is wrong.  My daughter will not be wearing a bikini as long as she lives in my house. 
Second is my image issues.  I used to look like I should wear a bikini.  I DO NOT anymore and to see other females "flaunt" their big breasts, flat stomach, skinny legs, whether worked for or not, makes me feel fat.  makes me feel like I am not good enough.  I know God has made me perfect.  I know that God has granted me 3 wonderful childern through this body, and that I don't regret and makes me feel proud of every stretch mark.  But that doesn't mean I need to show it off, so why do you need to show off your non stretch marked stomach. 
Third is mens reaction.  I am not visual just like most women, but my husband is like all men, visual.  That is just the way it is.  I don't like when I have to compete with other women for him to look at me.  I know I know this should be his job to keep his eyes on me, but he is not perfect and niether are other men.  Why should we make it harder for them.  If I was comfortable enough to wear a bikini I would be very uncomfortable knowing that I could be a stumbling block to another man other than my husband, and that he could be thinking of me later on(shudder). 
Fourth is my relationship with God.  This is kind of repeating, but He made me perfect and He is the one I live for.  He is the one I do all things for....He comands us not to do anything that can make a brother or sister stumble.  He wants us to focus on him not what that person is thinking of me.  focusing on Him instead of working hard to change my body so that I can look better than that girl in a bikini. Instaed of trying to show people what we have or what we look like why not show them how we love God and how God loves them.  
I love the way this blog puts it Fresh flowers.  I love they way she puts it into words like I have tried, unsuccessfully. 
What we wear matters a lot more than I ever thought.  It does make a difference and we need to remember that. 

May 2, 2012

Back up there

So....shortly after I stopped nursing we had an appointment with the cf doctors...the first one with the new dr, since the other one went on maternity leave.  Ronan had been slowing down in his weight gain.  which is to be expected around this age.  well at that last appointment he had lost 15g.  not really any difference when looking at it in pounds and oz.  So we had some changes put into place.  We upped the enzymes from half a capsule to one full capsule.  I have formula fed both my other kids, but started later.  It was also over 3 years ago...I don't remember.  I was feeding him 4 to 4 1/2 oz every three hours.  He would be a bit fussy after, but a soother would help and then after a bit he would be good.  Well they told me he should be eating 6 oz every 3 hours or so or eat more often than he is...cause he sleeps almost through the night.  So I was to either/both up the amount that he is drinking each time, up the amount of times he is eating, up the concentration of the formula. 
I was very discouraged after that appointment.  Not because he had "lost" weight, but because I was not listened to.  My kids have all slowed down at this age.  They don't care they want him to stay at the 50th percentile.  Well none of my kids have been that big....I asked what happens if he doesn't stay at 50....they said he will just deal better with the cf if he grows at that level.  I basically said he is doomed and they said no all kids grow different and he has different genes then his siblings....can't be that different.  I just felt like I was talking to deaf ears.  Don't get me wrong I know that they know a lot about cf, but they also don't know about my kids or Ronan specifically. 
Ok I know that we dropped the ball on how much he could/should eat.  We upped it slowly within a week up to 5 and half almost 6 oz in a week.  He had no problem with it...he seems happier more content....opps.  I refuse to concentrate the formula.  He has digestive him thicker formula can not help...except to give more calories.  I didn't not want to deal with a screaming baby that has a sore stomach.  The enzymes were no big deal  almost easier...but his poops have been a bit odd...I think he is just really getting used to them.  He gets more apple sauce with them, so that he likes. 
Well Tuesday we go for a weigh in.  He gained almost a pound in a week.  13lbs 8oz to 14lbs 5oz....wowza.  I have a chunker on my hands.  He likes food and to eat. 
I had a really hard to not saying I told you so to the them.  If I would have gone on what I know and not on guilt from them he would have been on formula full time 2-3 weeks earlier and this no weight gain scare could have been avoided.  He showed the signs both the other kids did about not being full and happy but I went with the guilt.  GGGRRRR.    I did mention something along the lines of well formula could have helped a lot a couple of weeks sooner...they just claimed it must be the more enzymes.  My words and opinions fall on deaf ears.  So frustrating.  I can't wait to go see my family dr on Friday. 

April 30, 2012

be back tomorrow.

So a week ago we went for our routine 2 week appointment.  Recently Ronan has been slowing down in growth like every kid does.  Well last week he lost 15 g. Needless to say that some changes were put in place for this last week.  We go back tomorrow we will see.  I will be back tomorrow with more on everything. 

April 17, 2012

That's it I am DONE

I have been struggling with breast feeding now for about a month.
I have been notice the beginning signs of me not being able to satisfy him.
but I have been working hard to put in the effort to keep it up as much as I can while still letting him sleep. all of my kids have been the same. between 3 and 4 months they start to show signs of being hungry, and I am not what will make it go away.
my husband and I took a prenatal class when pregnant with our oldest child. they went over all the regular stuff about birthing, labor, after care, and breast feeding. they stated all the info and support you can get for it. I don't know for sure but am pretty sure that he thought they were all hippies or weird people that like to talk about feeding their kids till they are 5, and how to do it and support each other in all of it. when we had our daughter and nursing started off not great, with having to deal with inverted nipples and milk that didn't come in right away, and just inexperience. he looked at me and said "I thought breast feeding was naturally easy, God given and the way it is supposed to be....well it doesn't seem to be". but my dad summed it up in the first week that we had her and were visiting and I was trying to get her fed he walks by me and says "2 rookies trying to figure it all out". SO TRUE.
Well for me it went even further....once I/we got the hang of it, it didn't last long. supposedly milk supply doesn't last until you choose to be done.
my daughter was starting solids at 3 and half months and weighed 11lbs 11oz at 5 months. at 6 months she weighed 11lbs 5oz. she lost weight. my doctor said I needed to start supplementing her with formula and start it off with preemie formula that is high calorie. I said no supplementing her...I am just plain done fighting with her and she was on formula full time and happy and full and slept through the night :D .
So when Elias started to show signs of not being full and the such, well we started supplementing at 3 and half months and solid food at about the same time that he was on formula full time at 5 months.
Well the time has come.
Ronan is special because he has had to have a bottle since he was just under 2 weeks old. He needed to be given vitamins and saline solution. God granted me a gift of being able to pump for him for about 2 weeks or so...which is a miracle. but then I used formula. I have always used as little as possible to accommodate him keeping his saline solution down. it was always little enough that I nursed a bit at the end, but that changed almost to the day that he turned 3 months.
At 2 months I wanted to quit, but I got a big guilt trip from the doctors and a bit from my his defence he was like why quit when it is still working....I can see where he is coming from, but he has never had a child attached to him everyday for 2 months(at the time, almost 4 months now)6-8 times a day for at least 20 minutes. I don't usually have a space bubble but I also have 2 other kids that like to cuddle and touch me.....I am not a cuddler.
It the last week Ronan has gotten sick...not anything to do with feeding. but it sucks. anyway..... in the last week I have really started to see the signs....actually for the last 2-3 weeks off and on, but very prominently in the last week,or last 3 days.
It has been an inner struggle. He is sick and needs antibodies and a good immune system and the best way to get that is from me, but he is fighting now not me.
In the past few days if I didn't drink enough or exerted more energy than doing day to day minimal chores he would fight. I wouldn't come fast enough for him, then he wouldn't get enough or he would show that he had enough but would want to eat very soon after, which is a lot of what Zandria did.
Today I didn't do a whole lot and drank water pretty was going ok until tonight.
got latched pulled off and fought....finally got some food and then was done, fights burping, but did any way. then he pulls off and doesn't stay on, but stiffens up like a board and won't try.
I let him fall to the nursing pill. I was so frustrated and annoyed and relieved that I laughed.
relieved because I have been praying and begging for someone to tell me what to do about nursing. God is good...He sent the one person that really has the right to tell me that it was time to be done. Ronan. I tried my hardest and then went and got a bottle with formula and he tanked it and was happy after he burped......he can be super full and still fight and whine when the food stops until he burps.
I am on my way to being done, on Ronan's leading it seems. I will try to nurse at my usual times, but won't push it.
i feel relieved, and happy and sure that this is right.
but I am still me, so I do feel a bit guilty when I hear him cough, and when i see the price of formula.

God is Good and God will take care of us.....He has a plan.
His plan I believe is for me to be done now.

April 15, 2012

Been a while....

Well it has been a while. Sorry. I have had a lot going on and have been working on how to write all the things that are swirling in my head.

I am going to start with an update about all that is going on with Ronan and how we are feeling and dealing with all this.

Well last I had mentioned Ronan was 11lbs 8oz. Not sure I put his height on there but that is ok. We have been going more on the every 2 weeks span right now. He has slowed down in his weight gain....we all knew it would happen. The reaction that I got when it happened was not what I expected. It was pretty much at the 3 month mark when most babies slow down a bit in the growth that he also did. The doctors immediately said to put him on enzymes. He weighed 13lbs 2oz, not bad still gaining just over 15 g a day. The ideal of what they wanted was over 20 g a day. Again no lea way....straight to enzymes. Fine I will do what I need to do.

At this appointment they brought everyone in....the physio, dr, and nutritionist. All going over the same thing and saying and repeating the same things over and over. I came home with my head trying to process. I didn't even know what to feel. After I got home and just thought and talked to Jer I realized that I felt like I was being drilled all of the same care of Ronan needs again because they thought I wasn't doing a good enough job taking care of him or following their instructions. At this same appointment I got the guilt trip about nursing. It was hard.

The enzymes are a pain in the butt, but got to do what we got to do. I empty a capsule into a little container and then put half of it on a spoonful of apple sauce. Apple sauce because it protects them until they get to the small intestine. They told me I could do it with just dipping my finger in each and letting him suck it off to get it in him, but had to check his mouth after to make sure none of the beads were left in his mouth because they can start to break down in his mouth and enzymes are made to break things down including gums and cheeks. Well only a dab of apple sauce is not going to cut it in my he gets a spoonful and is doing awesome. He gets them before every feeding except if he eats at night...I am too lazy and I am not going to mess with him going right back to sleep....the enzymes can make him really gassy.

But must admit that the enzymes have helped with his poops looking more normal. Not as greasy or mucusy. That is a bonus.

On Tuesday at his appointment they were expecting him to go back up to that at least 20g a day weight gain now that he was on enzymes.

Nope. He gained 6 oz in 2 weeks. He now weighs 13lbs 8oz. That is a little over 12g a day.

Yup. Should have seen the shock on their faces.

I understand that they are concerned and have their goals for them but they have to remember the family he comes from and his genes. Even tho his genetics say he has cf, he is still my child and the biggest thus far of my children....they can't change that with anything.

So they measured his length and charted him at 50th percentile and talk amongst themselves in a different room, then came back to tell me that they would stick to what we were doing. I wanted to say I told you so to them about him not gaining like crazy, but I didn't. At this point they also informed me that cf kids tend to do better when they are at at least the 50th percentile. Good to know...kind of wish I know sooner, but whatever. We realized, Jeremy and I, that they were trying to push the enzymes before the doctor went on mat leave this week. I understand that, she wants to make sure Ronan is covered, not missed or forgotten. He is going to be seeing doctors that aren't as devoted to cf as the other doctor was.

Now since we are on enzymes full time, I am having a hard time figuring out why I am beating myself up about nursing, why am I fighting with him, why is it such a big deal when he is already getting help with the digestion and even with his immune system. I didn't mind nursing my other kids, but have come to hate it this time around. I know how important it is to him, but I also think that my other kids need me to not be tied down by always trying to keep it up, plus I am beginning to not be happy. I think my family needs a mommy that is happy and helpful, not sitting here dwelling on not wanting to do this or anything else because it is not working. Such a conflict of guilt selfishness worry and stress. what to do what to do. :(

Elias has been coming to all the appointments. He is awesome with this stuff, all the other stuff in our life defiance. So frustrating. We have a strong willed child. I thought Zandria was....nope I was wrong...God was working up to Elias. Just got to work on working with him to put it to good use, if it doesn't break me first.

Zandria loves school. She is sooo active and fun. I think she is my hypochondriac. Always playing the sick card. Also very frustrating. Doesn't help that we have been sick a lot this winter....I mean A LOT A LOT. I am not positive but think that since November we have had maybe 3 weeks where no one was sick in our house. SUCKS. I know a lot of other families that have struggled with the same this winter, other wise I would think that there was something in our house making us sick. Ronan seemed to skip it all until this week. He got a cold....the dreaded 3 week cold that has been going around. The unfortunate thing is that they want me to call or come in in five days if he hasn't shown improvement, but this cold goes on too long so not sure what to do.

Life is going on for us...the normal in our lives keeps changing...with renos and baby and such....wondering when it will change and not sure if it ever will settle down. Oh well.

February 25, 2012


Ronan had an appointment this week only because his siblings had an appointment.
They wanted to weigh him too. Last week he was 10lbs 14 oz. This week his is 11lbs he is doing sooo well. I honestly believe that he is doing so well because of prayer and healing by God. God is good and can do all things. My baby is like every other baby, except my older kids. Zandria only weighed this much at 6 months....Elias weighed this much at 4 months.... he is my biggest...makes me laugh...makes me praise God. They also measured him and he has 2 3/4 inches in just over a month. Still a bit shorter than my other two.
Still no enzymes, but the source cf vitamins and saline are still on the menu for him. He accepts them well and doesn't mind them, unlike a lot of babies with cf from what I understand. Ronan is a star and awesome...praise the Lord.

As I stated my other two had an get a sweat test done. A sweat test is how they confirm cf. There are three ways to kind of tell if you have cf. One is a blood test analyzing the proteins in it that may be missing due to the enzymes in the pancreas not working well. This is what the new born screening is looking at.(I think I worded that right if I didn't please correct me)...Second is a DNA testing...they only know what they are looking for. The third is a sweat test. Patient with cf has a lot of salt in their sweat. They don't sweat more than anyone else....just saltier. For example normal sodium leaves is anything under 60. Ronan's first test was 112, his second was 106. Normal procedure is to test siblings so we got that done on Thursday. It took a while of being there, but my mother in law was there to help which was amazing. thank you. Elias like Ronan had to have two samples combined to make it big enough to test. The results got back to us yesterday....the numbers were 18 and 24...don't know which was which...doesn't really matter, we know they don't have it. Praise the Lord again.

From some of the conversations that I have had with the staff dealing with cf is that they really very rarely if ever deal with a family that has the first signs of cf in their 3rd child. Usually and most likely it shows up sooner, in other kids of theirs. They have appreciated the fact that they aren't dealing with teaching us about cf AND teaching about being parents in general. They just have to teach us about cf. Plus I don't think that they have had parents that were shocked yes, but not beyond repair if that makes sense. God is good and put us in a place and with people around us to pray for us and support us. We know that we...He can do all things...and we can get through all things. We have hope and faith and assurance that we felt almost immediately, which they were surprised at.

God is good.
Thank you for your prayers.

February 15, 2012

First time fun

Ok so my friend Jen (would put a link here but don't know how and too lazy/impatient to figure it out....she would know i should ask her) has had a blog for a while and does fun things like this....i decided i wanted to try. I have taken this long to try cause i keep thinking who is reading my blog anyway.... oh well Jen will read it and that is ok if she is the only one. so hope this works....:)

A. Age: 31.

B. Bed size: Queen. Just got a new one for coil is all i have to say

C. Chore that you hate: Floors. vacuuming, sweeping washing, all forms of flooring. My husband vacuums tho that just leaves the rest for me yuck.

D. Dogs: grew up with them...but i grew up on an acreage. I don't think they belong in town.

E. Essential start to your day: going to the bathroom. I have a tiny bladder.

F. Favorite color: I like black. I think it is a colour and so there for I like it.

G. Gold or Silver: Silver.

H. Height: 5’7″ and a bit

I. Instruments you play: Nope and in no way musical. Kind of wish I was but I'm not.

J. Job title: Mom. Hairstylist. Professional procrastinator

K. Kids: Three, 1 girl and 2 boys. Zandria (5), Elias(3), and Ronan( 7 weeks)

L. Live: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada.

M. Mother’s name: Linda.

N. Nicknames: Ness, Nessa, Veness, and one from when I was in grade 4....Nester, but not many people call me that anymore. Wonder did any of you sing a song when younger called Nester was a donkey? it is a Christmas song about the donkey who carried Mary to Bethlehem.

O. Overnight hospital stays: So far 3. 3 nights when I had Zandria. 3 nights when I had Elias and 2 nights when I had Ronan

P. Pet peeves: I have a lot of pet peeves, but only a couple worth mentioning on here I think. I will start with least...when the wheels are not straight when you park a vehicle, having the lid off the milk jug, and the biggest one of all...parking in front of the school my daughter goes to. The other day a truck parked perfectly so that it took up enough room that at least 2 or 3 other cars could have parked if he would have just moved either back or ahead....drives me insane.

Q. Quote from a movie: “You screw up just this much and I will have you flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog sh*t out of Hong Kong"

R. Right- or left-handed: Right.

S. Siblings: Two brothers- one just over 3 years younger and one 10 years younger.

Tastes you do not like: Raisins and apples cooked in things, oh and fishy tasting fish

U. Underwear: Yes.

V. Vegetable(s) you hate: Green beans, but I am a chicken and haven't tasted some in a while since I was younger.

W. What makes you run late: My husband and kids. I grew up always being a bit early for dad didn't believe in every being later than 10 minutes early.

X. X-Rays you’ve had: I have only broken 1 bone and that was enough to get me a lot of x-rays.

Y. Yummy food that you make: Roll Kuchken( I am mennonite), a good home made hamburger helper, and brownies

Z. Zoo animal: I have never been to a real zoo, but have seen typically zoo animals in the wild and my favorite is a Hippo. Love them. Also like wart hog and giraffe.

Wanna play along? Add your link in the comments, ’cause I’d love to read it.

February 12, 2012

my chunker

just a quick up date on Ronan

well the last i had updated he was 8 lbs 14 oz at around 4 weeks.
the next week we went to our GP and got weighed there and he was 9 lbs 4 oz.
wow hey.
this past week he got weighed at 6 weeks at the hospital again..... 10 lbs 6 oz.
yikes that's my chunker. cf kids aren't known to gain like this especially without enzymes.
they would like him to gain between 20 - 30 grams a day....he had been gaining 57 grams a day....just about 2 oz a day...that is crazy good. hope he is keeping up with this trend. but kind of afraid that if he keeps it up it will fuel my denial that he will be on enzymes yet...kind of don't think it will happen or really hoping for that, but that thought is denial.

I will keep you posted. he is getting a RSV booster this week and a weigh.

on a side note....I think I am feeding my kid formula that tastes like it was made with water from the ocean...yuck... accidentally got some in my mouth with trying to open the bottle of saline solution. just about puked....don't know how he does it.

February 8, 2012

Boys will be boys

i now have 2 boys
but Elias is showing me insight into the male DNA everyday.
i knew that you can tell the difference in genders but wow
let me make a list

* the love of wheels... whether on a car, truck, tractor, train, or bike; if it has a wheel they will like it and find it fascinating. elias even noticed when jers mom got her winter tires changed on her car...the same day she got it done...the kids is crazy about looking at tires on vehicles...i think he could walk around a parking lot and do that all day.

* love of sports. balls, frisbees, bats, and all that kind of thing. yup anything sports.

* pushing anything and everything. he pushes people with his hand with his head with his whole body. just crazy.

* rough...rough with toys... rough with people... rough with everything he touches. no matter how many times you tell him gentle.

* burping. he will force it. he will drink fast to make it happen easier. he will laugh about it. but thankfully we have a rule that it is ok to burp as long as you say excuse me and he always did. but forcing yourself to burp 7 times in a row got put to an end.

* his pants worn low. don't know why, don't know if or where he would have seen this but he likes to wear his pants low. he will even try to push his underwear down a bit...drives me crazy.

* loves his daddy. he will always choose his dad over me. that is ok with me. Jer is more of a cuddler and Elias loves to cuddle and i think has learnt that i am not a cuddler. lol

I know there is more, but can't think of them now... it think the list will still keep growing.
If anyone has anything to add or disagree with me just comment would love to hear your take on it. they fascinate me.

January 28, 2012

1 month

1 month ago i had my third baby and very well my last

it seems like forever ago

to the point that i think that he should be bigger, or maybe i just think too much about the cf and the fact that most infants with cf are small and grow slow

he is not

he is a month today

birth weight was 7lbs 12 oz

1 week old was 7lbs 2 oz

2 weeks 7lbs 7oz

3 weeks 8lbs 1oz

this week monday(which was 8 days after the 8lbs 1oz measure) was 8lbs 14oz

he gained a little more than twice what the doctors were hoping he would gain

he is awesome

one month and i am done being able to pump

Ronan takes two bottles a day with his vitamins and saline solution

up until a couple of days ago i could pump and then top up after and all was good and a miracle

not anymore

with my other kids i could never pump at all and i got over it quick

i am not a cuddly person and nursing is something that i don't mind but don't mind to give up either

i never have been able to nurse past 6 months

Ronan needs the best head start to a great immune system as possible and nursing is one of the best ways to give it a good start

i feel like i am letting him down, i know it sounds crazy but it is the way i think

his stomach gets bothered more with the formula also so i am really hoping his weight gain continues and that he can digest formula as easily as breast milk

i am not done nursing, i will continue, but i can sense the decent to formula happening

on a different note

Ronan rolled over today from he tummy to his back...TWICE.

it is crazy but he is strong

he is such a good baby.

on a totally different note again

Elias has been sick for 5 days now.

diarrhea and vomit

please pray for healing

I don't think he or I can handle much more.

January 22, 2012

The Real Ronan Isaac

We have a beautifully perfect little boy named Ronan Isaac

he looks like his brother Elias Derryk, but more like his dad Jeremy

he does not have the nasty cow lick his brother and sister Zandria Elizabeth Nettie have, but he also has less hair

he does how ever have his grandpa's,dad's and brother's colouring....yellow...they keep thinking he has jaundice...never heard of a 3 and a half week old with jaundice

he is smaller in size then his brother but bigger than his sister

he has long toes and long fingers... it has been commented that fingers don't belong on feet

he has one dimple on his right cheek just like his brother

he likes to eat...but not enough to wake up every three hours

he likes to sleep

he smiles often in his sleep

he only cries when he is hungry or uncomfortable due to gas

he likes to look at bright things like lights

he is not a fan of his car seat or of wearing hats...that is like his sister...she hated hats

he loves LOVES bum pats

he hates HATES to be naked...that includes diaper changes

he seems to really like his siblings so far

he is feisty...stated by the doctor that helped birth him...he was screaming and kicking even before his head was all the way out...hasn't changed...he lets you know what he thinks when he thinks it needs to be heard

he loves to be held and is often

He Is Perfect

He has cystic fibrosis

he will live his life differently then my other children

but we are not neither should you be

his is perfect just like my other children

God made Ronan Isaac perfectly the way God wanted him and we can't wait to get to know more of his personality as he grows

God made him Perfect

January 13, 2012

Life as we know or knew it??!!!??

Life adding a third baby is not much different then I thought it would be. Constantly dealing with an overly helpful, independent 5 year old and an impatient loves routine 3 year old, and a great baby that likes to sleep and eat. Tired and loving it. We love our life.

Yesterday life as we knew or know it changed forever.
We got a phone call from my doctor....Ronan's new born screening had come back. His IRT testing for cystic fibrosis had come back positive. They did a second testing in the hospital that included genetic testing also. That came back positive.
I broke down. My perfect baby is flawed. NOOOOO.
Today we went and had a sweat test done to confirm came back positive. We had a lot of people praying for us at that point. As I was sitting there listening to the nurses and such talking I wasn't crying for the first time in 24 hours and knew everything was going to be ok. God is in control. He loves Ronan and has a plan for him and us through this disease.

CF is a respiratory disease that is a lack of a certain enzyme in the lining of the lungs. The lack of that enzyme also leads to digestive issues also. They think this is part of the reason that Ronan is 2 and half weeks old and still hasn't reached his birth weight....but that doesn't say much...Zandria was the same kids are just that

So our life is going to change more than we thought it would. We do not know exactly what it will all entail yet....but we know that it will be a change and challenging at times. We know that the first steps will be vitamins and a saline intake. There is a CF clinic at RUH and a whole team of professionals to help make this easy on us and to show us that this is not the end of the world.

We know that we love our little boy and so does God. God has a plan and we have faith in His plan.

January 12, 2012

He is here


DECEMBER 28 2011

4:30 AM

7lbs 12 oz

21.5 in

I was scheduled for a c section on the 30th of December. But my blood pressure had been up for the last couple of weeks. I had been monitoring it and still am. On the 27th in the evening the bp was not going down. Usually I sit for an hour or so and it goes down. It didn't this evening. So long story short we found someone to watch the kids seeing as the grandparents were out of town, went to the hospital and after dealing with a resident dr that needed to learn some bedside manner and a long wait with not much sleep we went for the c section at like 3.