May 19, 2012

acceptable or not

There has been an article posted on facebook and there have been a couple of other people do some blog posts on the subject of bikini wearing....well I have felt the need to do my own.  This article by Carlaane is very informative....I like the point of it, but think it should be aimed at all women not just christians. 

I grew up wear bikinis or a two piece bathing suit because I have a long body and a small chest.  One piece bathing suit didn't fit once I hit puberty(thats when they started to make bathing suits expecting you to have a chest, which I still didn't).  This was also a while ago before the tankini, so no matter what most of my mid-drift was always showing.  I was young and looked a lot different than I do now.  I was a tooth pick.  Skinny and athletic.  I had the type of body that should be in a bikini, but never felt fully comfortable in it, but what choice did I have. 
When I got married or shortly before the tankini came into exisitence.  LOVE THEM.  But I have always had friends and known people that have worn bikinis, and some friends that have even lost wiegh just so that they could look good wearing one.  I always had the attitude that if you felt good wearing it who am I to say that you shouldn't. 
In the last 5 years my opinion has changed drastically.
First is my girl .  I want her to respect her body and to keep it for her future husband.  I see infants, toddlers and young childern wearing bikinis and tops that show more than they have or should show.  It is wrong.  My daughter will not be wearing a bikini as long as she lives in my house. 
Second is my image issues.  I used to look like I should wear a bikini.  I DO NOT anymore and to see other females "flaunt" their big breasts, flat stomach, skinny legs, whether worked for or not, makes me feel fat.  makes me feel like I am not good enough.  I know God has made me perfect.  I know that God has granted me 3 wonderful childern through this body, and that I don't regret and makes me feel proud of every stretch mark.  But that doesn't mean I need to show it off, so why do you need to show off your non stretch marked stomach. 
Third is mens reaction.  I am not visual just like most women, but my husband is like all men, visual.  That is just the way it is.  I don't like when I have to compete with other women for him to look at me.  I know I know this should be his job to keep his eyes on me, but he is not perfect and niether are other men.  Why should we make it harder for them.  If I was comfortable enough to wear a bikini I would be very uncomfortable knowing that I could be a stumbling block to another man other than my husband, and that he could be thinking of me later on(shudder). 
Fourth is my relationship with God.  This is kind of repeating, but He made me perfect and He is the one I live for.  He is the one I do all things for....He comands us not to do anything that can make a brother or sister stumble.  He wants us to focus on him not what that person is thinking of me.  focusing on Him instead of working hard to change my body so that I can look better than that girl in a bikini. Instaed of trying to show people what we have or what we look like why not show them how we love God and how God loves them.  
I love the way this blog puts it Fresh flowers.  I love they way she puts it into words like I have tried, unsuccessfully. 
What we wear matters a lot more than I ever thought.  It does make a difference and we need to remember that. 

May 2, 2012

Back up there

So....shortly after I stopped nursing we had an appointment with the cf doctors...the first one with the new dr, since the other one went on maternity leave.  Ronan had been slowing down in his weight gain.  which is to be expected around this age.  well at that last appointment he had lost 15g.  not really any difference when looking at it in pounds and oz.  So we had some changes put into place.  We upped the enzymes from half a capsule to one full capsule.  I have formula fed both my other kids, but started later.  It was also over 3 years ago...I don't remember.  I was feeding him 4 to 4 1/2 oz every three hours.  He would be a bit fussy after, but a soother would help and then after a bit he would be good.  Well they told me he should be eating 6 oz every 3 hours or so or eat more often than he is...cause he sleeps almost through the night.  So I was to either/both up the amount that he is drinking each time, up the amount of times he is eating, up the concentration of the formula. 
I was very discouraged after that appointment.  Not because he had "lost" weight, but because I was not listened to.  My kids have all slowed down at this age.  They don't care they want him to stay at the 50th percentile.  Well none of my kids have been that big....I asked what happens if he doesn't stay at 50....they said he will just deal better with the cf if he grows at that level.  I basically said he is doomed and they said no all kids grow different and he has different genes then his siblings....can't be that different.  I just felt like I was talking to deaf ears.  Don't get me wrong I know that they know a lot about cf, but they also don't know about my kids or Ronan specifically. 
Ok I know that we dropped the ball on how much he could/should eat.  We upped it slowly within a week up to 5 and half almost 6 oz in a week.  He had no problem with it...he seems happier more content....opps.  I refuse to concentrate the formula.  He has digestive him thicker formula can not help...except to give more calories.  I didn't not want to deal with a screaming baby that has a sore stomach.  The enzymes were no big deal  almost easier...but his poops have been a bit odd...I think he is just really getting used to them.  He gets more apple sauce with them, so that he likes. 
Well Tuesday we go for a weigh in.  He gained almost a pound in a week.  13lbs 8oz to 14lbs 5oz....wowza.  I have a chunker on my hands.  He likes food and to eat. 
I had a really hard to not saying I told you so to the them.  If I would have gone on what I know and not on guilt from them he would have been on formula full time 2-3 weeks earlier and this no weight gain scare could have been avoided.  He showed the signs both the other kids did about not being full and happy but I went with the guilt.  GGGRRRR.    I did mention something along the lines of well formula could have helped a lot a couple of weeks sooner...they just claimed it must be the more enzymes.  My words and opinions fall on deaf ears.  So frustrating.  I can't wait to go see my family dr on Friday.