I have been struggling with breast feeding now for about a month.
I have been notice the beginning signs of me not being able to satisfy him.
but I have been working hard to put in the effort to keep it up as much as I can while still letting him sleep. all of my kids have been the same. between 3 and 4 months they start to show signs of being hungry, and I am not what will make it go away.
my husband and I took a prenatal class when pregnant with our oldest child. they went over all the regular stuff about birthing, labor, after care, and breast feeding. they stated all the info and support you can get for it. I don't know for sure but am pretty sure that he thought they were all hippies or weird people that like to talk about feeding their kids till they are 5, and how to do it and support each other in all of it. when we had our daughter and nursing started off not great, with having to deal with inverted nipples and milk that didn't come in right away, and just inexperience. he looked at me and said "I thought breast feeding was naturally easy, God given and the way it is supposed to be....well it doesn't seem to be". but my dad summed it up in the first week that we had her and were visiting and I was trying to get her fed he walks by me and says "2 rookies trying to figure it all out". SO TRUE.
Well for me it went even further....once I/we got the hang of it, it didn't last long. supposedly milk supply doesn't last until you choose to be done.
my daughter was starting solids at 3 and half months and weighed 11lbs 11oz at 5 months. at 6 months she weighed 11lbs 5oz. she lost weight. my doctor said I needed to start supplementing her with formula and start it off with preemie formula that is high calorie. I said no supplementing her...I am just plain done fighting with her and she was on formula full time and happy and full and slept through the night :D .
So when Elias started to show signs of not being full and the such, well we started supplementing at 3 and half months and solid food at about the same time that he was on formula full time at 5 months.
Well the time has come.
Ronan is special because he has had to have a bottle since he was just under 2 weeks old. He needed to be given vitamins and saline solution. God granted me a gift of being able to pump for him for about 2 weeks or so...which is a miracle. but then I used formula. I have always used as little as possible to accommodate him keeping his saline solution down. it was always little enough that I nursed a bit at the end, but that changed almost to the day that he turned 3 months.
At 2 months I wanted to quit, but I got a big guilt trip from the doctors and a bit from my husband....in his defence he was like why quit when it is still working....I can see where he is coming from, but he has never had a child attached to him everyday for 2 months(at the time, almost 4 months now)6-8 times a day for at least 20 minutes. I don't usually have a space bubble but I also have 2 other kids that like to cuddle and touch me.....I am not a cuddler.
It the last week Ronan has gotten sick...not anything to do with feeding. but it sucks. anyway..... in the last week I have really started to see the signs....actually for the last 2-3 weeks off and on, but very prominently in the last week,or last 3 days.
It has been an inner struggle. He is sick and needs antibodies and a good immune system and the best way to get that is from me, but he is fighting now not me.
In the past few days if I didn't drink enough or exerted more energy than doing day to day minimal chores he would fight. I wouldn't come fast enough for him, then he wouldn't get enough or he would show that he had enough but would want to eat very soon after, which is a lot of what Zandria did.
Today I didn't do a whole lot and drank water pretty good....it was going ok until tonight.
got latched pulled off and fought....finally got some food and then was done, fights burping, but did any way. then he pulls off and doesn't stay on, but stiffens up like a board and won't try.
I let him fall to the nursing pill. I was so frustrated and annoyed and relieved that I laughed.
relieved because I have been praying and begging for someone to tell me what to do about nursing. God is good...He sent the one person that really has the right to tell me that it was time to be done. Ronan. I tried my hardest and then went and got a bottle with formula and he tanked it and was happy after he burped......he can be super full and still fight and whine when the food stops until he burps.
I am on my way to being done, on Ronan's leading it seems. I will try to nurse at my usual times, but won't push it.
i feel relieved, and happy and sure that this is right.
but I am still me, so I do feel a bit guilty when I hear him cough, and when i see the price of formula.
God is Good and God will take care of us.....He has a plan.
His plan I believe is for me to be done now.
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