untitled....too many emotions to put a title to

frustrated
that is what i am most of the time now.
my blood pressure is up and down.
anytime i am at the doctor or hospital it is not a concern
usually 4 hours later it is a concern...i wait another hour or two take it again and again not a concern
frustrating.
i explain this to my doctor she asked if my monitor is right and i explain how it was only a number off of what they got in the hospital.
she is now frustrated
but nothing that her or i can do but keep checking it.
she also knows that i am frustrated so therefore she says that if it goes high again i go to the hospital and we have a baby...not just monitoring
wwoooohoooo
my blood pressure hasn't been high in two days
oh the irony
well that leads to my other emotion.....acceptance
this baby isn't really due till January 5th, i technically have two weeks to go
God has a plan and i have to accept it
in both my other pregnancies once the blood pressure went high it never came back down
there must be a reason why this came down....i just wish i would know this reason.
and then there is the antsy feeling
i am done being huge
done not being comfortable
done not being able to do a lot of things cause this basket ball in front of me
just plain done
so i am antsy and am spending time on my ball and doing a lot of cleaning and laundry(this equals a lot of stairs).
i am carrying low...even my doctor says so
very rarely can i get up from sitting with out pain in my pelvic area
i have had some contractions also....i have had then before with my other kids but they have never moved while the contraction was going on....this one does so i asked the doctor if this was normal...she said yes
so ok i have a quite a few contractions
my doctor touched my belly after this question and said that the muscle that is my uterus is very 'responsive'.
it almost sounded like at the end of my appointment that she doubted i would make it to the 30th.....we will see.
then there is the excitement
i want to know the sex
i want to know the personality
i want to get into a routine
i want to know how elias and zandria will react
i am excited
i am trying to have patience but i am a fehr...if you know any fehrs they don't have patience
i get really grumpy by the end of the day
and i feel really bad that my kids get the short end of the stick when it involves my short patience and super grumpiness
i try my hardest to not be but the hormones are tooo much.....booo.
I NEED THIS BABY OUT
but oh aaaahhhhh yup
that sums up what goes through my mind in a loop about 4 billion times a day
God knows when they baby needs to come out and i have faith in Him.
i keep trying to tell myself that